Time to Shake Things Up!

IMG_0805Ive been thinking a lot just lately about overhauling my business and how I might be able to do that.  New ideas are the order of the day but it’s not always easy to come up with new ideas, try as we might.  Soooo…I’ve decided to make a pact with myself to write down ten new ideas every day.  They may not always be business ideas but the point is to get my mind working and my creative juices flowing.  The key is that it has to be ten or more EVERY day.   I want my brain to sweat.  I want to come up with things that I think I couldn’t possibly do…and then do them.  The purpose is not to come up with good ideas necessarily…the purpose is to have a multitude of ideas…thousands over time.  To develop my “idea muscle” and turn my brain into an ideas machine.

I read this somewhere the other day and it really struck a chord.

Two farmers live side by side and drink their water from wells they’ve each built on their respective property. One farmer’s well runs out of water and he needs rain to come quickly or he will die of thirst. The other farmer did the work and dug his well so an underground stream ran right into it. His well was always filled with water and he never had to worry.

So how am I going to tap into my underground stream?  Well, I’m going to start by making sure that other parts of my life are in balance.  This will involve disengaging from relationships and emotional situations that are no longer working for me.  Trying (and I emphasise trying ) to become more physically healthy by limiting my alcohol intake, eating better and endeavouring to get enough sleep, despite being a bit of a night owl.  Spiritually I need to come to terms with the fact that I can’t control everything around me.  Particularly where it comes to how other people perceive me.  So I guess it will be a matter of cultivating a path of non resistance and living in the moment rather than focusing too much on regrets from the past or fears for the future.

I find that immersing myself in my art work can often help to reenergise my brain.  Being creative is meditation for me.  When I’m Creating I am free and this can fire up my brain when things have gone dark.  Sometimes I’m really happy with what I’ve created…other times I end up throwing it away but it doesn’t matter…it still ends up doing what I want it to do.  When being creative, my brain doesn’t notice time passing and all of my troubles melt away.

I also like to read about the ideas of others and compare my new ideas with my old ones.  I let my ideas collide and when they do this, it’s as though they mate and new and better ideas are created…it’s amazing!  Not every idea is going to grow into something amazing…most of them won’t in fact, so don’t pressure yourself.  Just have the ideas, write them down and then let them go and see which ones take flight and go with that…the path of least resistance.
If you have a strict routine, try shaking it up a bit.  If it’s rigid, try reversing it.  If you wake up, read, write, exercise, eat, go to meetings etc, reverse the process and eat, exercise, write, read, then sleep.  Sleep in three hour intervals instead of a solid eight hours.  Hand write instead of doing everything on your computer.  Jot down your ideas.  Get your subconscious moving and working on things.

Shaking things up makes your brain wonder what the heck just happened and allows your subconscious to slip in and give you some light bulb moments whilst your conscious mind is otherwise occupied.

Write down your routine:

* Make it as detailed as possible.

* Now think about what you can change about this routine today

* How can you change it?

We only ever really remember the things we are passionate about and these are the places where ideas bloom and are harvested.  Everything else withers and dies.  Think about the things you were passionate at age 5…10….15…..20.  You’ll be surprised about how many things there were.  Could you use any of them now?

Something to think about…

 

Healing Childhood Wounds

We all go through traumas in our lives but the traumas that seem to impact us the most deeply invariably seem to be the ones we experience in childhood. These traumas can vary greatly depending on their intensity and duration and what level of support we receive whilst we are going through neglect, abuse, or lack of attachment.  Trauma and attachment wounding breaks us, leaving us feeling broken and with the inherent belief that life is not ok.

The body holds the nervous system response and the thing that seems to make childhood trauma so pervasive is that it seems to affect the nervous system and self esteem of the child at a primal level. When trust and vulnerability has been damaged after trauma has been encountered,  it can create very deep and consistent patterns of withdrawal, distrust, hyperactivity, shut down and depression, among other things and when the foundations of a persons life are disrupted, the rest of a persons life can’t help but be affected.  Something inside gets ruptured and cellular memory occurs which leads to body based, non verbal outbursts.  The more often we are exposed to trauma, the less things repair without intervention and so a painful legacy of suffering, hopelessness, helplessness, despair, depression and anxiety develops.

When a child consistently doesn’t feel safe from an early age, too much of their energy becomes invested in more primal areas such as fight, flight or freeze and they fail to grow in areas such as communication, relating to themselves and others and their motor skills also end up lacking.  This leads to adults that don’t function properly in relationships and in life generally because every time their childhood trauma is triggered, they relapse back to the period when they were damaged, whether this happened at age 5, 10 or 15 and behave accordingly.

When they do this, all of the same anxiety, hopelessness, despair and anger comes up as it did during childhood and they find themselves consumed by it. I often meet people when they’re in crisis and as such I see this kind of behaviour all the time with clients who are so entrenched in their pain that they just have no idea of how they might start moving forward. Sometimes they don’t even seem to want to.

Don’t get me wrong, we are all guilty of unpacking in our triggered traumas at times but this is where the work needs to be done to make sure that even when we visit those places, we don’t find ourselves setting up camp and staying there.

We all long for a way to know ourselves but in order for this to happen, there are things that need to be understood about what happens when we get triggered and these include looking for the cause as to why you are having these reactions. Doing this can make you look back to the past, bringing the emotional energy of the trauma back to the fore and opening us up to feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, despair, depression and anxiety.

Healing childhood trauma can be hard.  Others can drag you back into your pain once you have started to improve the way in which you deal with past trauma by reminding you of where you have come from and having an expectation of how you will behave in a difficult situation.  When this happens you may have to make a choice to change your activities and the people you spend your time with, or make hard and fast rules as to how they behave around you when these things happen.

There is a path forward and as human beings we are highly adaptable but this means that we can adapt to unhealthy patterns that initially have been put in place defensively,  just as easily as we can to the healthy ones.  Unhealthy patterns are generally started as defence mechanisms which in the long run have become destructive. Once you get used to these patterns however, they become part of your identity and it can feel scary to move away from them and do something different. This is what makes us slip back into these old reactions to negative situations time and time again.

Once you can become aware of these patterns and constructively act on them, they can help you move into the next stage of your healing so that you might finally be able to have the kind of relationships and live the kind of life you truly deserve. The most important thing is to be kind to yourself in the process so that you can bring together your broken body, mind and heart to form building blocks that will lead you towards the life you really want to be livingIMG_0803.

Tarotscope – Week Ending October 1st 2017

Each week I produce a Tarotscope which is a tarot based horoscope for each sun sign.  I thought there might be some people following my blog who might enjoy them so I will start including them here…I hope they will provide you with a little bit of entertainment if nothing else 🙂FullSizeRender

Aquarius – choices and decisions need to be made in relation to your career or finances and this may mean looking at things from a different perspective. Spiritually speaking all is just as it should be but the absence of a significant male in your life may see you feeling alone and isolated for a time. You can have the outcome you deserve out of this situation and you will find a way to work through anything that has been standing in the way of your progress so that life can get better. You may have fear regarding how things are going to pan out but keep looking at things from a balanced perspective and you will get through this. An opportunity is coming to you, whether work or otherwise related.

Pisces – a new beginning is coming to you both physically and financially and this will see you feeling empowered as it brings a difficult phase to an end. Open and honest lines of communication with those people around you will see you feeling more whole emotionally and stronger overall as you become aware of something that you may not have understood in the past. You will need to put on a brave face and look at things from a balanced perspective, particularly where it comes to a younger person in your circle and their closest relationships. If you can do this you will have nothing to worry about

Aries – underlying issues with family members or close friends will come up for discussion this week and an offer will be made to you that will see life getting better over all and taking away the feeling that something is missing from your life. Peace is coming to you and the light will soon go on about something that will make you very happy. You can have the life you’ve been seeking and the stability you’ve been looking for so long as you remain focused on what it is that you want moving forward. An earth sign or more motherly woman may have been manipulating or controlling your feelings for a time and this has left you feeling emotionally spent but things are about to change and where you have felt controlled and stressed lately, you will finally have victory over all that you’ve been struggling with.

Taurus – a balanced outlook will see you moving along in the right direction towards what you want and open and honest lines of communication will speed up this process. A water sign or more nurturing man in your circle will help you to get a new beginning both physically and financially and this will see things start changing quite quickly. Expect to be surrounded by people in the week to come but you may still feel quite alone as you process all that’s been happening lately and work through any obstacles until you have conquered them.

Gemini – you may feel quite controlled as you enter this week and you will need to keep your wits about you, particularly where your career or finances are concerned. The light is about to go on for you in regards to an offer that was made in the recent past and you will be able to get the outcome you’re seeking, even if you can’t see that happening just yet. Changes will lead you to happiness and celebrations and an end to your worries as you start focusing on what you really want. A battle will help you to pull things together as you receive information that will lead you to let go of all that is no longer serving you. Choices and decisions will need to be made that you haven’t wanted to make in the past and you will need to be clear about what you really want as things will start changing quite quickly. Find grounding during this time and bring your focus back to your home and family life.

Cancer – a wish will be realised this week and you will need to start listening to your intuition particularly where an earth sign or more stubborn individual is concerned. You can have the outcome you want, even if you can’t see that happening just yet but you need to take control over the direction your life is heading in. Stability is coming to you but a change may see you feeling that something is missing in the meantime. A fire sign or more determined individual around you won’t help with this situation. Choices and decisions will need to be made in regards to to your career or your finances and this may see you looking at things differently. A new start will follow on an emotional level.

Leo – choices and decisions now need to be made in regards to your career or finances if you are going to bring a separation or disconnection to an end. You will start feeling stronger as you open the lines of communication between yourself and a significant other. This will bring you victory over your struggles, leading to happiness. You may start feeling stronger as changes come in and things will move forward quite quickly. A battle will lead to an end to your worries as a water sign or more emotional man makes you an offer that will give you back control over the direction your life is now heading in and this will lead you to the life you have wanted.

Virgo – choices and decisions now need to be made that you haven’t wanted to make in the past and this has you feeling quite frustrated as well as quite alone. An opportunity seems to have passed you by but another is coming and this will be a better fit for you energetically. Secrets will be uncovered in regards to what someone is not saying as their behaviour becomes more and more erratic and this will bring some stability to you where there’s been none in the past. A close relationship with a child or young person will become closer, bringing a sense of peace to you and allowing you to take control over the direction you’re life is taking. A new relationship or a new beginning to an old one will be the result.

Libra – underlying issues with family members or close friends will come up for discussion this week, forcing you to make choices and decisions you haven’t wanted to make in the past. A move of house or big changes to your household threaten to take away your peace and you much now start making decisions for your long term future. Doing this will empower you on many levels and making choices in love or in business will lead to new relationships or a new beginning to an old one. You may feel emotionally fragile right now but a deep thinking or more logical mans return to your circle will bring about a new beginning both physically and financially. Making decisions around you career or finances will bring you stability and this will see any separation or disconnection you are dealing with presently proving temporary.

Scorpio – this week sees you moving along in the right direction towards what you truly deserve but you will need to put on a brave face until this happens, even if you’re not feeling so brace. A close relationship seems to be struggling at present and this has you feeling quite fragile emotionally but try to remain focused on your home and family life as this will help you to bring an end to your struggles. You can pull things together but an earth sign or more stubborn individual seems to be holding court at the present and your new beginning will only take place once this person is out of the picture for good. A deep thinking person around you is struggling emotionally but your energetic connection with them will help you get through this and you will get the life you’ve been seeking as a result.

Sagittarius – a move of house or big changes to your household will cause some friction as you’re forced to make choices in love or in business, particularly where a younger person is involved. An end is coming to your worries but you may feel quite isolated until this happens. A new start will follow emotionally as a new relationship commences, or you embark upon a new beginning to an old one. An earth sign or more stubborn man may create restrictions around you for a time but a balanced outlook will help you to read between the lines of his actions as opposed to his words, helping you to resolve things between you.

Capricorn – irritations created by choices in love or in business will lead you to a creative or intimate new beginning as a water sign or more emotional woman around you makes choices about a young person in her circle. It will be best if you can keep your opinions to your self about this and stop overthinking things that really aren’t your business. Instead focus on your own life and getting that under control particularly where your closest relationships are concerned. You have been feeling alone and isolated and more than a little bit stuck and this has caused some anger to rise up within you but rest assured a new start is coming to you on an emotional level.

Changing Your Mind

Are you the kind of person who wakes up feeling excited about your day?  This is how we should feel but many of us just feel confused about and discontent with our lives.  We lack purpose and we aren’t getting what we want because we just don’t feel we’re allowed to, we’re not worthy in our own minds.

Changing the way that we think can be a bit of a process because in order to really make changes in this area, we first need to become consciously aware of all of the limiting beliefs, habits and attitudes behind each thought that we have.  Once we have this awareness and are able to address and challenge our long held beliefs, it automatically becomes easier to change the way we think and to open our minds up to embrace the changes we want to make in our lives.

Challenges can be a huge motivator towards looking to change your life for the better because they can open up an inner knowledge that a greater life is waiting for you if you want it.  Challenges can push you to actively search for new ideas and patterns of behaviour that work for you.  Once you find these passions and begin acting on them it is as though every new thought you have and every new action you take keeps building on that foundation of desire, adding strength and gradually making things easier for you.  We are all constantly changing and evolving towards greater levels of fulfilment and purpose, searching for our reason for being here so that we can feel like we’re living a life that means something.  It only takes one or two powerful revitalising thought patterns to create a domino effect on the rest of your life.

In order to change your life you must first become aware of what you are currently thinking.  Understanding the way you think now will give you the direction and tools to let go of anything that limits you so that you can create the life you want.

You learn best when you are feeling loved, energised and motivated to grow.  With growth comes inevitable change and so it’s essential to put yourself in an environment wherein you honestly feel good.  You want to be as happy and open to new horizons…inspired.

Imagine you’re on an exciting adventure, being transported to a spectacular place deep within…a place where you walk tall, feel adored, bask in the warm embrace of love and every particle of your being vibrates with happiness. A vivid rainbow of brilliant colour fills your being with possibility, harmony and an abiding sense of peace.  In this place you are always honest with yourself, you welcome new ideas and are open to any suggestion.  You are powerful here…youre not afraid to take action and make your dreams come true.

In your mind  tick each of these boxes every day:

  •  I’m entitled to live my best life
  • Im energised by and drawn toward new ideas
  • Im honest with myself and enthusiastically seek opportunities to learn about myself.
  • I am an action person who makes my own dreams come true.
  • I actively seek love and laughter each day

Most of us feel safer when we have absolute conclusions about life but in reality these block us from growing any further or in different directions.  Once you awaken and clarify the source of your power you will be able to find ways to harness it so that you can create any life you choose, empowering yourself and opening yourself to freedom as you go.IMG_0799

 

 

Who Are We to Judge?

Sadly there are so many degrees of homelessness these days and the problem only seems to be becoming more widespread.  I visited Sydney a few months ago with my mother and couldn’t believe the amount of homeless people we encountered there, sleeping in alleyways, parks, shop fronts etc and the fact that very little seems to be being done about it in the way of real help for these people.  The problem is more widespread than this too.  When most people hear the word homeless, they think of someone sleeping rough on the street, in a park, in shop fronts…anywhere they might find some shelter from the elements… and we as a society tend to judge them for it. Yet there are so many ways to be homeless that is not even funny and it could happen to any one of us…

Homelessness can include sleeping in overcrowded housing with relatives or friends whilst waiting for an alternative to come up.  This arrangement is often crowded and leaves the person feeling like a burden as they stretch their friendships and family relationships to the limit.  Couch surfing is another form of this, leaving the homeless person constantly on the move and sometimes resorting to strangers couches just to have somewhere to stay.  This often happens with young people who might have fallen out with their parents and have worn out their welcome with their friends but don’t want to sleep rough.

Some people resort to sleeping in their cars in an attempt to stay out of the weather and remain safe or try their luck with crisis accommodation.  Hostels and refuges can only usually  used for the short term/temporary or crisis accommodation ranging from one night to a couple of months, depending on the organisation.  NSW Housing offers Temporary Accommodation which is again short term depending on the policy of each place.  Some people end up in the hospital with nowhere to go so they can’t be discharged… as I said, there are many ways to be homeless and rental increases, job losses, being unable to pay your mortgage, relationship breakdowns, domestic violence, drug and alcohol issues, mental health issues and so many other things contribute to this on so many levels…and could happen to any one of us.  We too could become one of those people who did not think they would ever find themselves homeless…until we do.

So next time you see a homeless person on the street, try not to judge…they may once have been just like you. Instead think about what you might do to help them, even if it’s something as seemingly insignificant as a box of tampons, or a bag of baby wipes (shower in a bag)…something to help them to feel more human…more like themselves.  More like the person who used to have a job and a family, money and a home…people who actually cared about them.

Im currently working on a project that will (I hope), help me to raise money to help these people on the street to get the outcomes they’re wanting.  In the meantime, I am urging you, if you are on the verge of becoming homeless to get some help, right now.  If you know of someone who is homeless, let them know there is help out there and that they should not be embarrassed or afraid to ask.  After all…who are we to judge?IMG_0797

 

Don’t Hide Your Light Under a Bushell

When a person wakes up to a higher level of consciousness they often struggle with how they might start living on purpose whilst at the same time being able to feed themselves.  They find it very difficult to work out how they might connect to higher levels of consciousness whilst also remaining solidly grounded in the physical world, often becoming so frustrated by the experience that they have feelings of just wanting to give up rather than compromising either their physical or spiritual connections.

This can often lead to these lightworkers becoming more financially focused, making money their main objective rather than the spiritual work itself, or conversely it can take them down a more purpose-centred path in which they work hard and get paid very little and end up sacrificing either their purpose or their income simply because they don’t feel able to satisfy both at the same time.  Either way, these decisions eventually start taking their toll.  It’s very hard to live “on purpose” if you’re worried about paying your rent or putting food on the table just as it’s difficult to generate a good income if the work you’re doing doesn’t inspire you.

It is also a mistake, however, to think that staying broke is the best way to help other people.  Many light workers have this outdated belief that they either have to sacrifice their purpose for money, or follow their purpose whilst shunning any monetary reward.

As a light worker you should always be sensitive to the idea of making money in an exploitative way, or in a way that violates your values.  When you’re faced with financial hardship however and are struggling to pay your rent or mortgage it can be tough to deal with financial issues whilst maintaining your overall integrity.

Under stress we become like a different person as our survival and stability are threatened and begin to become our priority.  It’s very difficult to think about serving others when you’re behind on your own rent, deep in debt and you discover a notice of demand in your mailbox.

In reality you need both connection and groundedness but you won’t find a way to get there until you can find a way to understand why you don’t already have both right now.

Most of the time, the reason you can’t maintain your connection to the Source AND remain grounded at the same time is because you are fearful of what it will mean if you actually succeed.  On the one hand, you have your purpose…your spiritual beliefs and your feeling of connection to everyone around you.  You are motivated by this purpose to serve and help people all day long but at the same time you live in the physical world in which you need to provide for yourself and your family.  This means that you need an income and to stay properly grounded.

At their core, these two sides aren’t inherently opposed to each other.  In fact they serve to support each other.  The spiritual side provides you with motivation and connection which can drive you.  It provides you with passion, energy and a sense of peace that gives a wonderful sense of motivation to do some kind of work – work that could very well help me become more grounded simply by generating some income.

In addition to this, when I’m more grounded and physically and financially stable, I will have more freedom and a greater capacity.  I won’t have to worry about paying bills and this will give me the capacity devote more time to spiritual pursuits.  So you see, these two energies are naturally complementary.  They can work synergistically but only if we consciously choose this and attend to both sides.

What will happen if you succeed?

A lot of would-be light workers are concerned that they can’t make a living pursuing their purpose.  Others don’t feel comfortable combining the two.  Oftentimes though, the real issue comes down to fear…What’s going to happen if this actually works?  What if you succeed?

Whenever you see a broke light worker, you invariably see an underlying fear of success.  Usually we will resist this notion at first but when we look at things more closely, invariably a pattern emerges which is undeniable.  The real barrier to achieving a balance between connectedness-groundedness is the limiting beliefs you may have about what will happen after you achieve balance.  What will realistically happen when you’re honouring your life’s purpose and making more than enough money to sustainably do it for the rest of your life?

Youre going to succeed in a big way.  That’s what’s going to happen.  When you do what you love and generate plenty of income from it, it creates a positive spiral.  Those two sides support each other as your purpose drives your actions, your actions drive your results and your results produce income.  More income gives you more freedom and fuel for your purpose and the whole thing keeps going in a stable pattern.

With great power comes great responsibility and the fear of this is what kills your income.  The best way to increase your income is to help more people. In practice it’s not that difficult to do — IF your beliefs will let you.

The only way to overcome this limited patterning is to confront it head on.  To admit that you have been holding yourself back, that you aren’t doing your best and then to look at the reasons why.

Your passion should come from your purpose, not your income but you can’t tap into that motivation until you first overcome your fear of success.  Become a “vibrational match” for the scenario you’re wanting to achieve.  That’s the only way you’ll ever be able to attract and maintain it.  Answer the tough questions:  who are you to reach the point of influencing people with your reading or healing work?  Who are you to try to make a difference?

Look at your situation from a different angle.  If you reject power and thus responsibility by declining to act, then what you’re really giving up is control because if you have the potential, then you have the power and as a result you have the responsibility to your clients, whether you act on it or not.  Failure to act does NOT relieve one of responsibility.

Accepting your responsibilities is the first step towards accepting your inner power and once you can accept that, the law of attraction will help your outer world to reflect that. Power doesn’t come from position.  It comes from power…because you have the power to grow, you must step forward and grow and the responsibility of this will become a privilege over time.

As is within, so it is without and any inner conflict you have will manifest in your external reality.  You fear your real power, so you silently intend for it to be dim and this has led you in the past, to manifest a never-ending series of distractions which have kept you preoccupied enough that you don’t really have to think about what you’re really doing.

You’re the one who’s manifesting the annoying health problems, the “unexpected” financial crisis that suddenly wipes out your savings just when you start to get ahead, the unfulfilling relationship, etc and you’re manifesting all of it because you’re resonating with fear — it’s one giant distraction.  Whenever you’re ready, you have the power to turn off those petty problems and stop manifesting them, but once you do that, you’re going to have to deal with the real issue of why you’re here.

Once you experience the inner shift, you will enter that positive spiral where your connectedness and groundedness support each other beautifully. Attracting more money and a larger audience will just mean you have a greater capacity to give.

Your real work as a light worker is to accept and embrace your inner light.  You are meant to shine, not to be snuffed out and as such you need to be in vibrational harmony with your light rather than being ruled by fear.  Once you make a committed decision, you’ll attract all the help and resources you need.  Staying small serves no one, least of all you.

IMG_0796

Wading Through Your Crap

IMG_0794At some point in every persons life a little rain must fall…sometimes it feels like it comes with a tornado that rips things apart just for the fun of it and when this happens, it’s hard to see even a glimpse of anything good that could possibly come out of it.  These times can hit any area of your life – physical, mental, emotional, financial and if you’re really lucky (and I mean that in the most sarcastic possible way), they might just hit all areas at once, pushing you to absolute rock bottom.

The most natural way to react to these kinds of moments is to think “Why did this happen to me?”  You might feel real hatred towards those who contributed to your horror run.  You might question the Universe  and feel as though Spirit have failed you.  This is not what is happening though.  Basically it couldn’t be further from the truth.

Sometimes we need to experience bad things in order to grow spiritually, so that we can surrender ourself and our ego to the life we are truly supposed to have.  It is like a cleansing really.  Carl Jung said “There is no coming to consciousness without pain. People will do anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid facing their own soul.  One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light but by making the darkness conscious.”

Before you were born, you made a contract with the souls of everyone who would later participate in the “worst times of your life.”  You specifically chose these people to play these parts so that you could grow spiritually in the way that you wanted to.  Some of them have been karmically linked with you in past lives, so the current issues could be your way of resolving these issues in this one.

Every day we are being guided in the direction of our life’s purpose and that guidance includes the darkest times we will ever experience.  During these times, all of the things we were ever “sure” about are stripped away and we are left emotionally writhing and terrified about what might be coming next.  People who are supposed to care for us are often unwilling to sit with us through our dark times.  They want to rush us through our pain and into the light on the other side and this can see friendships and close relationships falling away.

When everything we have ever believed in dissolves into nothingness and we are thrown into the abyss of the unknown, there is nothing we can do but go with it.  There is no way of forcing ourselves back into the light, so the best we can do is surrender and wait for the enlightenment as to why this had to happen.  It will eventually come, believe it or not and when it does you will gain a new perspective and appreciation of what you have been through.

Typically, many people experience a loss of ego for the first time in their life during their time at “rock bottom”. This can be a very humbling experience as everything we ever defined ourself with is taken away from us but once the ego is gone, we can finally connect to our spiritual essence rather than defining ourselves by societies preconception of who we are.  Losing everything can actually show us how little we really need to be happy.

One of the lessons that can be learned during these terrible periods is the lesson of forgiveness as you come to the point wherein you stop blaming other people for your struggles and start to look within for your answers.  The realisation may then dawn on you that you really needed to have these experiences in order to get you pointed in a new direction that will ultimately lead you to your life’s purpose.

If you are going through these kinds of hard times at the moment, I can assure you that there truly are better times ahead and you are always being divinely guided toward your life’s purpose.  Look at where your life has taken you and where you are being pushed to go now.  Try to forgive those who may have helped you to get to this dark point and forgive yourself for letting them.

Dont try to force any changes immediately.  They will arrive in their own time.  There is nothing you can do in the meantime but have faith that things will improve and live in the moment until they do.  Whilst you may not be able to see it right now, the people who helped lead you to this point are probably a part of your Soul group who loved you so much that they volunteered to lead you to your darkest moment if you ever got to the point where you were moving away from your life’s purpose, even if it meant that they would no longer be a part of your life this time.  They did this because on a Soul level, you needed to be forced to move back to your path but were resisting on some level and the transformation that will result from this catalyst will truly be beautiful.  Have faith in that and that all really will be ok in the end.

 

It’s Not Your Right To Be An Arsehole

Why do some people think that it’s their god given right to be an arsehole?  We all know someone who constantly behaves badly and gets away with it.  Some of us are lucky enough to be related to them (and I mean that in the most sarcastic possible way) and no matter what these people do, or how badly they treat people, everyone around them makes excuses. “Poor _______.  She’s had a hard life.”  “Oh, that’s just him…he flies off the handle easily, always has.” “She has anxiety… he’s mentally ill.” … bullshit, crap, waffle!  It seems that so long as someone has “always” behaved badly, it’s ok for them to keep doing it and so we “regular folk” are forced to put up with this ongoing abuse and things just keep spiralling out of control.

Now dont get me wrong.  I think it’s great that we can now talk about mental illness out in the open.  I myself have close family members who suffer with any number of issues and it’s important that these things are brought into our sphere of view and spoken about and dealt with in a constructive way but at the end of the day, out in the open or not…Anxiety, depression borderline personality disorder or whatever else might be ailing us should never be used as a “get out of gaol free” card for arseholeish behaviour.

I have been dealing with someone like this for the past 15 years (give or take) and quite honestly, if I have to listen to one more excuse being made for her foul and hurtful behaviour, I’m actually going to scream.  It makes it worse that she’s dying at the moment.  Cancer has her in its grips and is not about to let go and in most cases I guess that’d be a good enough reason  to “bury the hatchet” as it were and put things behind us.  I am not a grudge holder and have never understood people who refused to let go of grievances but in this case I’m really struggling with that conceptFullSizeRender.

This grudge hasn’t come about for no reason.  This woman is a close extended family member and she has been awful to myself and my children at every opportunity since we first met 13 years ago. Sarcastic, rude and downright spiteful for the most part with short patches of niceness in between that often have led me to let my guard down in an attempt to mend things between us, only to have her take the opportunity to spit in my face all over again.

One example of this happened several years ago when she was asked to spend a weekend at our place, dog sitting.  One of our dogs had given birth to a litter of pups a few days before and we were going away for an event that weekend which had long been organised.  As happens periodically, she had been on her best behaviour for some months before this and when we asked for her help she readily agreed and seemed happy enough just to stay for one night as we’d asked her so as not to put her out.  As we left she asked if we would mind if she did a little pruning to keep herself busy whilst we were gone and we said that would be fine.  As I said, she’d been on her best behaviour for a while so we were thinking that things had finally turned a corner.

The soil in our garden wasn’t great so I had allowed a vine that I’d planted to frame our verandah to become overgrown so that the seedlings that I’d planted beneath it could grow up, out of the glare of the sun, at which point the plan was to trim it back.  We set off for our weekend and had a great time watching one of my partners cousins compete in a monster truck style event.  On the way back we received a phone call telling us that she was still at the house and had cooked us dinner.

Right away I felt suspicious, as when we’d asked her to come, she’d been keen to just stay the night and then head back as she had things to do.  Cooking dinner for our return also seemed very out of character but we thanked her and told her that we were looking forward to getting back.  Then came the admission that she “thought she may have over pruned a little – by accident of course”… we felt uncomfortable at the news but decided to wait until we got home to react. What met our eyes as we came down the driveway however, was not an “over prune” but a massacre and it left us feeling devastated.  The vine had been cut to the ground.

This was no accident.  This was a hatchet job.  Five thick stems of the vine had been hacksawed across and even the fairy lights we’d had running across the front of the house had been cut to ribbons.  I was devastated. I love my garden and she knew it.  I couldn’t help but feel that she’d decided to stay longer purely so that she could see my reaction to her handiwork.  I felt like throwing up.

I went inside and went straight to bed.  I didn’t want to be in the same room with her.  The following morning, when she was ready to leave I said goodbye but didn’t go out to see her off and when my partner asked me why I told him that if I’d had to stand out there with her next to my garden saying goodbye I’d have “pushed her down the fucking stairs” and then said “Oh sorry…it was an accident!”  I then went and drowned my sorrows in the bath with a bottle of wine.  She on the other hand went home and complained to another family member that we were upset with her just for overpruning a rose bush…Ugh!!!

This was not the first incident by far, nor has it been the last but I wanted to illustrate just how much I’ve had to put up with for the past 13 years so that you could see that this isn’t just me being petty.

This person has had some difficulties in her life, don’t get me wrong.  She had a husband who cheated and then left her for a close friend when one of her children was only a few weeks old and when this happened, she literally fell apart.  Since then however (some 39 years), she has pushed every  important relationship she’s ever had to the absolute limit.  She has pushed people away left, right and centre and has seemingly intentionally sabotaged everything good that has happened in her life…and the people closest to her have let her, always making excuses no matter how bad her behaviour has been.

It is my opinion that constantly indulging people who behave badly really doesn’t help anyone.  All it does is tell them “You’re a golden anxiety flower and everyone around you just has to deal with it.”  Sure, we should all practice self care.  Take a bath…cancel your plans sometimes if you’re feeling bad.  Take time out and give yourself some space if you need it.  There is nothing wrong with any of that, so long as you don’t set up camp and live in that space.  If we choose to make camp then we shouldn’t be indulged.  It is not ok for you to treat everyone around you like total shit.  Your anxiety is not some sort of Get Out Of Jail Free Card to abuse and neglect your social circles because the truth is that your friends/family/coworkers etc are HUMAN BEINGS too and their purpose in life is not to be your neurotypical punching bag until you finally decide you’re well enough to behave like a decent person again.

We all have our moods and moments and most people close to us will deal with our episodes because they love us, but if they are consistently giving more than they are receiving then the truth is that at some point they will probably walk away as you become more and more toxic.  Constantly indulging someone’s worst impulses makes them toxic and anxiety is never an excuse to be an arsehole long term

No one actually has to put up with your bullshit long term and if you don’t actively work on making yourself a better and more rewarding person to be around, no one should have to wait around for you.  Only in making conscious, proactive decisions towards better-ness and away from bitterness, can you really expect people to want to be close to you…and that’s what we all want in the end…isn’t it?