In our society today, increasingly there seems to be an element of loneliness surrounding people as more and more of us get most of our emotionally intimate human interaction via the net rather than from other people in person. And to make matters worse, the interaction we get from the net is so judgemental! All of a sudden we’re expected to defend our life decisions and so we think long and hard about what we choose to put out there so that we don’t have to know what the public at large might think about the way we really live. And yet we still worry about it and obsess about it and feel bad about it. Why??
Self doubt weakens us and makes us vulnerable to the fuck wits of the world. When you look at things objectively, why do you really care what a complete stranger on the other side of the country, or the world thinks of you and the way that you live, or think? Doubting yourself stops you from living to your fullest potential. It makes you weak and if you don’t address it, it can also make you sick. Self doubt isn’t just for teenagers or judgemental mummies either, even us older ducks can suffer with it because we get to a certain age and don’t feel as though we’ve achieved anything, or not what we thought we would have achieved by the time we reached this age, or we still don’t know what we want to be when we grow up, or we gave up on our dreams to raise our families or support our partners, or we’ve been broken down by bad relationships that have kicked the crap out of our self esteem…ugh! The list goes on…
The beauty of self doubt however is that it’s never too late to get rid of it. True self-love is one of the most liberating things we can do for ourselves and it’s all about recognising and validating our own innate inner goodness. As human beings, our core selves are innately good and worth as much as anyone else’s. It is important that we remind ourselves of this everyday rather than listening to our inner critic whose voice is sometimes louder than anything else we can hear, shaming us and making us feel anxious and not good enough.
It is also very important to have strong boundaries and to learn to say no when you need to. Don’t allow anyone to make you feel that you need to do anything that you don’t feel comfortable doing, or that will compromise you in some way just to make their life easier. Have some compassion for yourself and don’t judge yourself harshly, particularly where you’ve done things in the past that you might not be proud of. Give yourself a break for the losses and traumas you’ve endured and the issues you have and even for the crappy things you might have done that you now wish you hadn’t. If you can’t forgive yourself then how can you expect anyone else to?
Find ways to give yourself joy, even when no one else seems to want to and work on releasing old feelings of guilt or unworthiness so that you can start welcoming beauty and abundance into your life. Never hang your self worth on what someone else thinks or says about you. Nurture yourself. Give yourself the love and care that you may have missed out on as a child. Soothe yourself in times of stress and find others who are willing to support you, even if they are not always the people you’re yearning to be accepted by. Make your own well being a priority and seek out relationships and situations that support you in doing this.
Invest in your own development and allow yourself to enjoy the process of growing and expanding yourself. Always keep learning and be patient with yourself if you find this difficult at first. You will get there.
Write yourself a list of how you’d like to grow. What you would like to welcome into your life that you feel would make it better, or would help you to love yourself more. This is how you will evolve and become your best self…the person you know is inside you, even if you haven’t seen them for a really long time. This is how you will finally find a way to let go of all of the things you wish you weren’t and embrace the beauty of who you really are.
It’s a process…and not always an easy one…but it is worth it.